How to look after yourself when you're caring for someone
Recognise that you're a carer, ask your local council for a free carer's assessment, plan regular breaks before you're exhausted, and share tasks with others so the whole load doesn't sit with you.
Why is this harder than it sounds?
Many carers don't think of themselves as carers; they're just a daughter, a husband or a friend helping out. That matters, because it means they don't ask for support they're entitled to. The NHS's definition is broad: if you regularly look after someone because they're ill, older or disabled, including helping with medicines, appointments or just keeping them company, you're a carer.
What should you do?
Call it what it is
If you're regularly helping someone because of illness, age or disability, you're a carer. Tell your own GP too.
Ask for a carer's assessment
It's free, anyone over 18 can ask, and it's separate from any assessment for the person you care for. Contact adult social services at your local council. It might lead to breaks, practical help or contact with support groups.
Plan breaks in advance
The NHS describes respite options from a few hours of sitting service to day centres or a short stay in a care home. Councils fund respite only for people they've assessed, so get assessed early.
Share specific tasks
"Could you do Tuesday's appointment?" works better than "let me know if you need anything".
Keep something for yourself
Sleep, a walk, a friend. Small and regular beats a rare big break.
Notice when it's too much
Feeling worn down, irritable or hopeless for a long stretch is a sign to get support. Talk to your GP.
What tends not to work
Waiting for a crisis to ask for help.
Turning down offers because it's quicker to do it yourself.
Putting your own appointments last indefinitely.
Common questions
Who can get a carer's assessment?
In England, anyone over 18 who cares for someone can ask their local council for one. It's free.
What is respite care?
Taking a break from caring while someone else looks after the person you care for, from a few hours to a short stay. Your council or local carers' centre can tell you what's available.
Where Nura fits
Nura can take some of the remembering and checking off you: it can check in on the person you care for, with their agreement, and send you a summary, and it can keep track of their appointments and next steps in a Care plan you share with others. It can also check in on you; caring is health and wellbeing too.
Sources
General information, not medical advice. Nura does not diagnose, prescribe or replace your clinician. In an emergency call 999 (UK) or 911 (US); in the UK, NHS 111 can help if you need medical help but it isn't an emergency.